The Malaysian Pulse
Beat of the Nation
Tue, 10 Dec 2019, 5:58 AM
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WARNING: If you do not know what "satire" means, please stop reading immediately!
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Scientists Confirm Neelofa’s Banana Milk Will Remove Toxins From Your Wallet
KUALA LUMPUR: Local scientists weighing in on celebrity entrepreneur Neelofa’s new banana milk beverage have confirmed the drink’s promised health benefits today.
The Tapir Times:
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Civil Servants Confident They Can Wait This Government Out
PUTRAJAYA: Key public servant officials have confirmed despite pro-Pakatan rebels operating within the civil service, they can block reforms and wait this Pakatan government out.
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Sleepless Night For Anti-Vice Raid Volunteer Imagining Someone Somewhere In Malaysia Is Being Gay
TERENGGANU: Exhausted anti-vice vigilante, Faisal Abdul Razak reported he’d had yet another sleepless night last night, as the troubled raid volunteer admitted he was unable to stop thinking about ...
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Tourism Ministry Announces Fully Clothed Tattoo Expo
KUALA LUMPUR: In a shrewd move to attract international visitors, Malaysia’s Tourism, Arts and Culture Ministry announced Malaysia will be hosting the world’s first fully clothed Tattoo Expo.
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Backing Finas, Netflix Launches ‘Skip Sex’ Button
CALIFORNIA: Netflix today revealed plans to introduce a ‘skip sex’ button for Malaysian adults who couldn’t wait for the government to censor the content they’re paying for.
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Perfect Online Boyfriend Just Needs You To Lend Him A little Money
FACEBOOK:   Hansome on-line soulmate, David, has officially explained to his future life partner, Malaysian single mother, Nor, that he just needs to borrow RM20,000 because his millions are all tie...
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Teach Them A Lesson, Say Unapologetic Deposed Kleptocrats
JOHOR: In a final appeal to undecided voters, a group of unrepentant former political leaders many of whom face multiple corruption charges, urged for the Pakatan Harapan government to be ‘taught a...
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After Disney+ Launch, M’sian Wondering If He Can Afford To Pirate Yet Another Streaming Service
PUCHONG: With Disney Plus officially entering the global streaming wars today, cash-strapped Malaysians are unsure they can afford to pirate yet another streaming service.
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1MDB Trial Adjourned After Defense Goes Into Shock
Kuala Lumpur: The entire court complex was left in shock today after lawyer Shafee Abdullah’s shocking revelations about his shocked client.
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